he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
