I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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