Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
