The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm always down for nudity.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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