do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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