Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
