i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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