I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
