letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
