I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wanna passion pit in your ass
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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