if you like me you must not know who I am
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
