i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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