My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
