I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
