I want to walk on stilts...naked
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
