Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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