Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
