I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
