he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
