Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
