god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
