His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
