They should really pass out barf bags in church
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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