I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
