Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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