Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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