I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
