we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
