I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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