I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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