Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
we should paint friendship bongs
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
