I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
