I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
