Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
