he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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