Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
