How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
