wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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