Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
