We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
