she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
