I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
