a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
either way he was missing a nipple.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
