She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
