Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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