I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
