Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
