I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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