went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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