Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
