If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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