I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
