clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
