New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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