why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think your dad took our porno
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
